Picture a Perfect Christmas Review

“Genuine kindness never needs to be repaid.”

After finding herself without any work at the holidays, Sophie returns home to visit her injured grandmother for the first time in a long time. Once there, Sophie meets David, who lives next door and takes care of his nephew, Troy.

As soon as Sophie arrives, her grandmother starts playing amateur matchmaker. It’s the Hallmark movie “Picture a Perfect Christmas” (2019).

Our Review: Picture a Perfect Christmas

Picture the perfect Christmas movie.

What do you think of? Would yours include:

• A handsome leading man and a beautiful leading lady thrown together by chance or by fate, only finally admitting to or realizing their love for each other can conquer EVERYTHING.
• A small town setting.
• Lots of stunning decorations and other Christmasy visuals.
• A deceased family member.
• Some sort of goofy mixup that would only happen in a Christmas movie.
• And that long-anticipated kiss – even better if it happens in the snow.

Well, “Picture a Perfect Christmas” has all of these things.

And it’s utterly, terribly boring.

Most of this movie is just flat out ridiculous.

All it really had going for it were the visuals. “Picture a Perfect Christmas” is set to Christmas eye candy overload. If the movie didn’t look good, this movie would be rated even lower.

The problem with the visuals, however, was the same with the storytelling – none of it really has any meaning.

For example, early on when they are decorating the tree, the grandmother makes a comment about one of the ornaments being really old. But there is no STORY to go with that. They just move on to the next thing.

Let’s break down how it all went so wrong.

The Naughty List

There’s No Plot

The main characters face no real challenges and their behavior throughout is just so weird.

• Why is David so overly excited for Sophie when she gets a call with good news about her job? They literally just met and he’s hugging her when a high-five or something less familiar would have been more appropriate. (And oh yeah, she still has a boyfriend at this point, who just happens to arrive in time to see this hug.)
• Then, when Nicole does break up with Brent, she doesn’t bother to tell David for a loooong time. If she is in no rush to tell him she’s single, why is she so willing to uproot her entire life (“I don’t have to live in San Francisco do I?” she asks her boss) for someone she’s been on zero dates with and known for less than two weeks?

The answer to these questions: because the writers wrote it.

“Picture a Perfect Christmas” is one of those movies that falls victim to “and then-itis”. First this happens. And then this. And then this. And so on until the closing credits.

“Picture a Perfect Christmas” has no build, momentum, tension, or climax. It all predictable and a giant waste of time.

Imperfect Chemistry

Making matters worse, the romantic leads have no chemistry.

Don’t get us wrong, Merritt Patterson and Jon For looked great together – but nothing interesting happened to them.

We blame that on the writing, not the actors (granted, the acting wasn’t all all that hot either, but again, they really had nothing compelling to work with here).

Another Pageant? Groan.

We’re beginning to think any movie with a pageant this year is doomed.

And why must every pageant or show be cast with just a week or two before Christmas? And enough with the auditions – we’re not here for “American Idol”.

It’s apparently the new “we’ve got to plan a huge party/ball and only have two weeks to go” premise. That was ridiculous, so is this. Although … maybe that’s how this Hallmark movie was put together?

Toyland

“Toyland” is not a romantic song to slow-dance too. Eye roll.

“Thanks for the Card”

Another part of the movie that had no internal logic was everything having to do with David’s hand-made card.

Why did David give it to Sophie’s grandmother, Louise, and ask HER to make sure Sophie gets it? Why couldn’t he maybe mail it to Sophie? (He watched her leave, after all.)

For a guy in so much love, he sure has a funny way of showing it.

But then, why did Louise even bring the card with her at the pageant? Was she psychic? Or was this just because “the writers wrote it” again? (Spoiler: yes, that’s exactly why.)

Mr. Tech Guy Doesn’t Check his Email?

Throughout the movie, we’re reminded that David is in tech. He is making an app throughout the movie (or trying to name it, at least).

Oh and remember how David’s almost kiss with Sophie got interrupted BY HIS PHONE! (Side note 1: turn of your notifications, dude!) (Side note 2: We were thinking this would inspire him to call his app “The Moment Killer”).

So this guy doesn’t check his email? David doesn’t know he got an email from Sophie until HER grandmother asks him about it in person at the pageant?

More than a day later?

Seriously?

A Sign You’re Watching a Terrible Christmas Movie

You’re hearing a character talk about “needle retention.”

We felt like we were having flashbacks to “The Christmas Ornament” and the kid who memorized that Wikipedia page.

What Was Up with That Gold Nutcracker?

Did you see the life-size gold-plated nutcracker on the front porch?

That was one of the most bizarre looking decorations we’ve seen in all our years of watching Christmas movies. #Trashy

Unanswered Questions

• Doesn’t Troy have school? How can Troy go to Switzerland with David and Sophie for her photo shoot?

You’ll Fall Asleep…

Most likely. The whole middle is so boring (followed closely by the beginning and end).

Nothing ever happens. The only thing this movie is perfect for is gently rocking you to sleep after a long day.

The WORST List

Jodi Emasculates David

At one point, David has lunch with ex (Jodi) at lunch and reveals she’s engaged.

All of this leads to Jodi telling David that their breakup was the best thing that ever happened to her.

Ummm, great? Way to make your lead actor look like a total loser. (Plus, from the sounds of it, David was not dating at all anyway.)

Sophie’s Grandfather

When Louise is taking about her late husband, Sophie comments that she must really miss him.

Doesn’t Sophie miss her own grandfather? At all?

He’s not some stranger. If she does miss him, she sure never said a word.

Conflicting Sign(s) from the Universe

Near the end, just before Sophie is set to leave, she tells her grandmother that David never replied to her email she sent the night before. Then a taxi drives up.

Sophie then says the arrival of the taxi is a “sign from the universe.” That’s not a sign, Sophie. It’s a taxi.

We’re nearly 100 percent sure the taxi showed up because Sophie called for it! That’s pretty much the business model.

(Meanwhile, David watches from the window as she gets in the taxi and does NOTHING. For the love of his life. He lets her go!)

Oh, and then what about the OTHER sign from the universe – the tree topper (which is exactly the same one David has on his tree) she sees later when she gets out of the taxi. Apparently the universe is sending her conflicting signs?